LOVING RELATIONSHIPS OR ISOLATION
Defining adulthood
According to Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, adulthood refers to two age groups, both of which have to face a psychological crisis that can be overcome with a 'virtue', i.e. a strength used by the ego.
| Age Group | Crisis | Virtue |
|---|---|---|
| 18-40 | intimacy versus isolation | love |
| 40-65 | generativity versus stagnation | care |
Intimacy versus isolation1
During young adulthood, people share themselves more intimately with other individuals and explore relationships leading towards long-term commitments with someone other than a family member.
The positive outcome of this stage can be happy relationships with a sense of commitment, safety and care eventually resulting in love.
Avoiding intimacy, fearing commitment and relationships can lead to isolation, loneliness and sometimes depression.
Adults in love
Adults in love respect individuality and honour differences. They recognise that their partners have different temperaments, vulnerabilities, and emotional histories that will cause them to give different emotional meanings to behaviours and events.
Adults engage in disagreement and do not devalue each other when they disagree. They appreciate that disagreements can enrich relationships by adding dynamism and depth. Disagreements and divergent perspectives keep relationships fascinating.
Adults also balance their drives2 to be autonomous and connected. Acting on one’s deepest values makes people feel authentic and keeps them focused on what is most important. Fidelity to one’s deepest values is the key to balancing opposing drives for autonomy and connection.
In order to get the partner you most want to have, you have to be the partner the other person wants.
How to be a good parent
In order to be a good parent, it is not enough to avoid dangers such as abuse, neglect or overindulgence.
According to the National Academy of Sciences, the four major responsibilities for parents are: maintaining children’s health and safety, promoting their emotional well-being, instilling social skills and preparing them intellectually.
Good parents combine warmth and sensitivity with clear behavioural expectations.
WARM UP
How would you deflne an adult?
DO
1 In your opinion, is isolation a synonym of loneliness?
2 Do you think there is a relationship between the word drive and the verb to drive?